Tag: single professional women

Party Of One

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When I first moved away from home, it was difficult to adjust to being single and on my own.  There were so many things that I need to get used to, so many life adjustments to make that it was almost overwhelming.  As I began to adjust to what it meant to live on my own, I began to learn that it was truly a party of one.

I was raised in a multigenerational home.  This meant that you often had to wait for the bathroom, there were huge meals cooked everyday and finding a place of peace and quiet was often a luxury.  As a college student and later a young adult I got used to my grandmother moving everything you may have left in another party of the house in order to keep the house clean.  It didn’t matter if you moved to answer a call, eat or go to the bathroom.  If you left your things unattended in the living or dining room for too long they almost always ended up on your bed to be put away.

The first thing I did when I moved away from home was to leave change on the floor.  I know this sounds crazy, and left me add it was not a lot of change, but enough to see that it did not move.  This was a major win for me.  The second thing I did was to leave mail on the dining room table occasionally or leave my books in the living room.  (I was in grad school when I moved away from home).  I would smile every time I saw that my things were just as I left them.  One of the perks of having my own place.

The biggest adjustment was cooking.  I was used to cooking for several people so to adjust my cooking to accommodating just one person was not easy.  At the end of the week I often found myself throwing away too much food because the left overs were too much to consume and I would typically cook several different meals during the week.  It was an adjustment but eventually, I was able to not only learn to cook for one, but I began to allow myself to eat what I wanted when I wanted.  Dinner did not have to be the conventional meal, it could be a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.

Independent owned

Overall, it was one of the best times of my life.  Learning to live on my own and the ability to exercise my independence taught me a lot.  It helped me to grow and develop into the self-sufficient, strong woman I have become and it allowed me the opportunity to grow as an individual.  I also realized that there was nothing wrong with a party of one.  I realized that  I could be happy, independent, self-sufficient and successful and cook a meal for one.

I realize that a lot of people stay home with their parents and move out when the get married.  Or they may go away to college and come back to live with their parents after graduation.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Now that people are remaining single longer and delaying marriage until later in life it is not uncommon to find single women out here making it.  Surviving and self sufficient and doing what they have to do.  There is nothing wrong with a party of one.

I’m Every Woman

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Most of us are familiar with the female anthem “I’m Every Woman” originally made famous by Chaka Khan and then remixed and remastered by the late, great Whitney Houston.  When it comes on te radio we can often be found in our cars or in the shower singing along with them.  As I sat back and reflected on my life as a Single Professional Woman, one of the things that I am repeatedly reminded of is that I am in fact Every Woman.

What does this mean?  Does it mean that I am one of those emasculating females who feels that feels that men are expendable or that I don’t need a man because I am every woman.  Absolutely not.  It means that as a fact of life, I have been forced for whatever reason to be every woman.  As I live and move throughout my life I realize and recognize that in my life it is not lost on my that I have to depend on myself for everything.  The bottom line is if I don’t work, I don’t eat, I don’t pay bills, I don’t drive, I don’t pay for where I live.  Though I do have family, as an adult working woman it is my responsibility to take care of myself and to make sure that my needs are met.  This is the reality until I am married or until I can no longer care for myself.

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Recent census statistics show that single, professional, African American women are the fastest and largest growing demographic in this society.  What this means is that for whatever reason we are delaying marriage longer than ever before.  What this also means is that we have more responsibility in life than ever before.  Many of us manage careers.  Many manage careers and children.  Some of us manage careers, children and aging parents.  Some of us work.  Some of us work and go to school.  Some of us work more than two jobs, not because we want to but because we have to.  Some of us enjoy being single and the certain since of freedom singleness brings.  Some of us are dating or in relationships and may even live with significant others.  Others desire to be married or partnered.  Whatever our reality may be, the fact remains that we are still Every Woman.

As the song says there are things that we do naturally.  Our day may consist of the gym, work, shopping for groceries or household items, time with friends and/or family whether in person or on the phone, parental duties, cooking, cleaning, work we brought home because everything does not always get done in eight hours or whatever the case may be.  These are the things that make us Every woman.

Im every woman

I salute and applaud all of the women who find themselves in this category.  It is not always easy and it is not always without some struggle or compromise.  There are good days and great days and of course there are bad days.  There are girls’ nights out, trips with family and/or friends and time for manis and pedis.  There may be time to date, time to burn the midnight oil for that next promotion or career advancement.  There may be appointment with parents or arrangements made for care for parents, or the same arrangements for children.

After all of that exhausting work and responsibility, the next time you hear the song I’m Every Woman, smile to yourself and think about how you manage to make all of those things work and how you do it with little or no effort or complaint.  You just do it.  Think of those you love and those who love you and do a little dance because you deserve it.  Remember there is not anything wrong with being Every Woman, it is just your station at this point in life and that is fine.  Here’s to Every Woman…it’s  all in me…and you..