A Happy Single Valentines Day


I have spent more years than I can to admit as a single girl living in the big city.  While it can be overwhelming to see all of the things geared and marketed to couples, quite often it can feel as if single’s are left out on Valentine’s Day.  As a matter of fact there is no holiday where singles can celebrate or where the focus is on being single.  (Maybe I should advocate for a National Single’s Day) there may be one already but I have never heard of it.

Many singles dread Valentine’s Day because you get bombarded with couples and all of the things that couples do, the flowers, the candy, the candlelight and romance.  No one really thinks or considers what it may be like to be single for Valentine’s day and how these messages geared toward couples effect singles.  My message to singles is it that the day can be celebrated just a much by us as it is by couples.

There are many things that you can do as a single woman to celebrate Valentine’s day and I guess the first thing to think of is whether you mind or prefer being out with the couples or if your prefer to stay in.  Let’s start with staying in.

A Valentine’s Day spent in the house can be a  very enjoyable experience.  From catching up on the latest episodes of your favorite TV shows or movies to curling up with a good book or just doing nothing, this can be an opportunity to celebrate and enjoy yourself by yourself.  The day could also be spent sleeping in or eating all of your favorite junk foods in your sweats, no rules need apply.


You can also prepare a romantic dinner for yourself, cook your favorite foods (including dessert) and break out the good china, candles and wine glasses.  Why not treat yourself and do something special just for you.  End the dinner with a nice candlelit bubble bath with a glass of champagne or your favorite wine to end the evening with a smile on your face.

If you decide to go out, Valentine’s Day can also be a day to catch up with your single friends, if you choose not to be alone. Retail therapy, lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant or a chick flick would be the  perfect way to spend a Valentine’s Day.  Going out with your single friends helps you to remember that you are not alone and that you don’t have to be lonely.

Girls Night Out

You may also want to use this day to spend with friends or family.  You can spend the day with your parents or grandparents, or if you are a single parent your children.  You can join the other couples and head out to one of your favorite restaurants or just go out for a movie.  If you do not want to do anything major a simple evening at the local ice cream parlor after dinner can be a great Valentines treat.

And there is no rule that states that you cannot buy flowers or chocolate for yourself.  Why not?  More than anything else this is a great opportunity to think outside of the box.  Do what makes you happy  and do not get caught up in the hype that you have to be with someone in order to enjoy Valentine’s Day.  More than anything else the day should be one where self love is practiced and promoted and where YOU are the star of the show!


Stay Blessed!  Stay Fabulous!





The Background….

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Most of you who have been following me know that I am completing my Doctorate in Education.  What I have not discussed is the topic of my dissertation as well as how I selected the topic.  First of all let me state that my research is about the lives and lived experiences of single, professional African American women.  There was an interesting road that led me here.

A few years ago, more accurately several years ago, a good friend of mine invited a group of her female friends over to watch a documentary called SoulMate.  The documentary discussed the issues many single African American women face while dating and attempting to find a mate.  The documentary was interesting to say the least and it provoked much discussion throughout the evening.

Buy SoulMate Film on DVD

One of the things that struck me throughout the evening was how emotional the women in the room were about being single.  There were tears and laments about being single and at first I thought they were joking but I realized that they were serious and some of the women in that room were borderline depressed because they were still single.  On the way home from this ‘Girls Night Out’ I began to wonder how I felt about being single, and where my feelings came from.

I began to think about our pressures from society, from family and at times from peers to marry.  I also thought about how religious institutions also play a large role in how we are viewed as single, professional women in  a society where marriage is the societal norm, even though single, professional women are the largest and fastest growing demographic in today’s society.  To say the least there are topics for great discussion.  For the past few years this topic has been consuming my time.  As I get closer to completing my degree and defending my dissertation, I will be sharing more about what I have discover in my research and looking to have more discussion with my audience.

In the meantime, take a look at the website for the movie SoulMate.  The documentary was made several years ago, however it is very relevant today.  I encourage you all to take a look at the documentary make it a girl’s night and have an honest discussion with your friends about how you feel about being single and how it impacts your life and relationships.