Party Of One


When I first moved away from home, it was difficult to adjust to being single and on my own.  There were so many things that I need to get used to, so many life adjustments to make that it was almost overwhelming.  As I began to adjust to what it meant to live on my own, I began to learn that it was truly a party of one.

I was raised in a multigenerational home.  This meant that you often had to wait for the bathroom, there were huge meals cooked everyday and finding a place of peace and quiet was often a luxury.  As a college student and later a young adult I got used to my grandmother moving everything you may have left in another party of the house in order to keep the house clean.  It didn’t matter if you moved to answer a call, eat or go to the bathroom.  If you left your things unattended in the living or dining room for too long they almost always ended up on your bed to be put away.

The first thing I did when I moved away from home was to leave change on the floor.  I know this sounds crazy, and left me add it was not a lot of change, but enough to see that it did not move.  This was a major win for me.  The second thing I did was to leave mail on the dining room table occasionally or leave my books in the living room.  (I was in grad school when I moved away from home).  I would smile every time I saw that my things were just as I left them.  One of the perks of having my own place.

The biggest adjustment was cooking.  I was used to cooking for several people so to adjust my cooking to accommodating just one person was not easy.  At the end of the week I often found myself throwing away too much food because the left overs were too much to consume and I would typically cook several different meals during the week.  It was an adjustment but eventually, I was able to not only learn to cook for one, but I began to allow myself to eat what I wanted when I wanted.  Dinner did not have to be the conventional meal, it could be a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk.

Independent owned

Overall, it was one of the best times of my life.  Learning to live on my own and the ability to exercise my independence taught me a lot.  It helped me to grow and develop into the self-sufficient, strong woman I have become and it allowed me the opportunity to grow as an individual.  I also realized that there was nothing wrong with a party of one.  I realized that  I could be happy, independent, self-sufficient and successful and cook a meal for one.

I realize that a lot of people stay home with their parents and move out when the get married.  Or they may go away to college and come back to live with their parents after graduation.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Now that people are remaining single longer and delaying marriage until later in life it is not uncommon to find single women out here making it.  Surviving and self sufficient and doing what they have to do.  There is nothing wrong with a party of one.

The New Normal

new noorm2

There is a fact that America has to face.  Married life is not the norm anymore.  In fact there are more single in the world now more than ever before.  This is becoming the new normal.  Watch out world because here we come.

According to the US Census Bureau, single, professional, African American women are the largest growing demographic in the United States.  There are more single women that are heading households and running things.  Society would have us to think that there is something wrong with us, that we are too this or not enough of that (insert your this or that here).  The reality of the situation is that we are working more on us and less on please others.  We are learning that we do no have to apologize for getting that advanced degree or working longer hours so we can get that promotion.  As Beyoncé says “Who Run the World!”

who run the world

To all of the single women out there it is time to come out of hiding, it is time to no longer be ashamed because you are single.  As a matter of fact it is your time to shine.  It is time that we stop conforming to society to be who they think we should be and be proud of who we are and where we are at this point in our lives.  There is nothing wrong with marriage, I am a proponent of marriage when people marry for the right reasons and not just because they are lonely or pregnant.  There may be a time when marriage comes, but until then God has granted us lives to be lived not to be stagnant and waiting for what may or may not be.

The New Normal is the single, confident woman.  The woman that knows that she can be a dynamo in the boardroom and a loving and caring wife.  The New Normal is the woman who does not compromise because of some imaginary clock or the smooth talker that is attempting to sell her a dream.  The New Normal is the single woman that can be a Boss and a Blessing at the same time without skipping a beat.  The New Normal is the woman who is single and happy, not a depressed ‘spinster’ waiting on her knight in rusty armor.  We are the New Normal and we are proud because of this not in spite of this.