The Hardest Thing

the hardest thingl

Lately, my life has been in a holding pattern, I would dare say a self-imposed holding pattern.  There are things that are going great in my life and things that are not so great.  There have been struggles, victories and days where I just wanted to stay in bed and eat a bucket of French vanilla ice cream.  There have been some high highs and some low lows. What I am beginning to realize is that I have been my own worst enemy.

There have been times in my life where I felt that I didn’t deserve the good things, the easy things and that everything would be a fight, a struggle a WWE level wrestling match.  While my job and career are spent to a large degree helping and motivating others, there are times when I lack self-motivation and I find myself needing to be motivated, helped and pushed.  I am just keeping it real, there are some days where it is a real struggle.

There are times when it takes as much energy to smile as it does to lift a 200lb weight, and the tears come from out of the blue and flow non-stop.   There are times when I have to repeatedly remind myself of all of the blessings around me and all of the things I have survived, endured, overcome, but it still feels as though it is just not enough.  Then there are times when on this entrepreneurial journey, where I question if leaving the comfort of my 9-5 was worth it, even though I know the job was killing me emotionally and mentally.  There are the times when there are more bills than money and more responsibilities than time in the day.

There are those moments when you make every attempt to be vulnerable and helpful only to end up misunderstood and judged.  The people you thought knew you best turn out to be as much of a stranger as people you don’t know at all.  You put on the makeup, the hair, the perfect outfit but you are no more than a mannequin on display for those around you.  The face is smiling but the eyes say nothing.

henryfordquote

The reality of the situation is that sometimes the hardest thing to do is to love yourself and the life you are living.  The other hard thing to do is to change your thinking, change your circumstances and change your situation.  Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are right”.  How true and powerful that statement is.  It is often hard to find peace in the darkness because the light exposes too much.

dark valley

I have come to realize that I am in a valley.  Not buried, definitely not dead but in a valley.  And while there are some not so good things in the valley, you can also find some great things in the valley.  So while I journey through this valley experience I can say with firm conviction:

I am ok

I am going to make it

I won’t be in the valley forever

Look out for the person that emerges from this valley; she will be a conqueror

This valley will make me stronger, wiser and better

 

Be Blessed Be Fabulous!

pink-lips

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I Love Me

Love your body

As I was browsing through Facebook today I came across a question that said “do you love your body?”   It made me think about what I feel about my body.  My body and I are going through some changes.  Almost a year ago I had weight loss surgery.  It was a difficult decision to make and it was and continues to be one of the most difficult yet rewarding things I have ever done.  I have seen and heard all of the arguments about surgery being an easy way out or a quick fix but that is one of the biggest lies every told.  If anyone every wonders how easy it is I welcome them to watch my 600 lb. life.

My 600lb life

While not everyone is 600 lbs. and up, obesity in this country is a reality for far too many people.  So while I was never 600 pounds, this show can give those who don’t know the struggle or the journey a glimpse into what it is like to live with obesity and the process of having weight loss surgery which is an all too often long and tedious process.

body acceptance

So back to the question at hand do I love my body?  The honest answer is that it is a struggle.  There are some days when I love my body, the curves, the scars, the imperfections and then there are days where it seems that every flaw is magnified.  I can honestly answer that I LIKE my body and each day I am growing closer to loving it.  This has been a long process.  There was once a time when I HATED my body.  I am happy that I can now say that 90% of the time the response is more positive than negative.

What about you?  How do you feel about your body?  Do you like it, love it or loathe it?