Tag: this single sole

Waiting for What?

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Many people spend time waiting for things to be ‘perfect’ before moving on to something else.  Married people wait, single people wait, parents wait, and grandparents wait. Things are often put off until the ‘perfect’ time, the perfect season the perfect financial situation, the perfect something.  While waiting life and time keeps on moving.  So my question this week is what are you waiting for?

 I have had several conversations with friends and family where people were waiting for the perfect time to do something.  Some people postponed going back to school, because of work or money. Some people postpone vacations because of lack of finances or not enough vacation time.  Some people are waiting to find the perfect mate or until the kids are out of the house.  My question is, ‘is there ever really a perfect time?’

 In my opinion there is never really a perfect time or perfect timing.  Time and life is filled with swift transition.  One day it is New Year’s Eve and then you look up and you are celebrating Memorial Day or the Fourth of July.  It just shows how quickly time passes us by.  What do we do to live the life of our dreams instead of waiting for the perfect time?

 Keep working toward your goals.  Do not let minor things get in the way of you accomplishing what you want to do.  These minor things may be other people, time, money or other responsibilities.  With the proper planning and preparation you can make things happen in your life.

 Remember to not bite off more than you can handle.  If you are planning to go on your dream vacation, plan, save, sacrifice and then go.  Be diligent about what you want and how to achieve your goals.  Take things one day at a time and make sure you tackle tasks in a manner that is comfortable for you.

 

Never say never.  Never seems so permanent.  Maybe begin to incorporate not right now into your vocabulary.  You never know what may happen and how your dreams may be just within your reach.

Be realistic.  It may take you five or ten years to make that trip to Paris.  That is fine.  Work within your limitations and do what you need to do in the meantime.  That may mean cutting back on the trips to the restaurants or the store purchasing the latest fashions.  Look at what you have and what you need to make your dreams happen and make an honest assessment.

 The moral of all this is to stop waiting.  Make plans to pursue your goals, dreams and desires and do not let anything or anyone stand in your way.  These things may take time, energy and a great deal of effort but anything worth having is worth working and fighting for.  You may have to take baby steps, but remember that “All things are possible”. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Online Dating

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As we approach the end of January, single women wait; some with anticipation, some with doom the month of February, the month of love, the month where VD (Valentine’s Day) is celebrated.  While this may be a great time for those women who are a part of a couple or for those single women who have come up with their Valentine’s Day routine, for others it is a day where they watch their co-workers receive flower deliveries and candy while they leave empty handed and sometimes lonely.  So what is the single woman to do?

One of the more popular options many singles are trying is online dating.  Every few minutes there is a commercial on singing the praises of EHarmony, Christian Mingle or Match.com.  As a single woman I have tried my hand in the online dating ring and have come up with some hits and misses.  Here are some of the lessons I have learned.

  1.  Don’t share too much.  You are not sure who you are meeting.  We have all seen or heard the stories of scam artists or God forbid the Craig’s list killer, who met his victims online. Keep things short, concise and to the point.  Never put your address, phone number or email out there right from the start.
  2. Pay close attention to who you connect with.  Read a person’s entire profile.  Most of the time the profile will let you know what they are looking for: a hook-up or a relationship.  Also look at pictures, if they are wearing corduroy bell bottoms and an afro chances are the picture is old and they look nothing like that now.  Keep your eyes wide open.
  3. Do your homework.  If you are new to online dating or if you have been online for a while I suggest that you watch at least one episode of Catfish on MTV.  The show walks you through how they research people using Google images, Google earth and many other tools available on the web.  Google should be bookmarked on your computer if you are dating online.
  4. Be real and CLEAR about your expectation.  If you are just looking to date with no long term commitment or just looking for a casual encounter, be honest about it.  Yes there are some women who just want their pipes cleaned.  Don’t lead the person you meet to think that you are ready to become the step mother to their children and you know you hate kids.  Honesty goes a long way in the long run.
  5. Be safe.  Never go to a person’s home on the first date.  Meet the person in a well-populated public place.  Always let someone know who you are going out with and their contact information.  Make a check in time and inform your contacts that if they do not hear from you by the appointed time, start looking for you.  Safety should ALWAYS come first.
  6.  Have fun.  Don’t plan the wedding after the first conversation.  Take time to get to know the person.  Find out whether or not you all are compatible and have the same values and beliefs.  Enjoy dating.  Have fun.

We have all seen the commercials with the success stories.  We met on … and we were married 2 years later or we have already been married for 2 years.  Success can happen when you date online, there are many stories of people who made it but there are also some horror stories. Follow your heart and your internal feelings about whether or not you are comfortable with the situation.  Pay attention to that voice inside you that tells you if you are heading in the right direction or if you need to exit stage left.

Know that ultimately your internal compass is often your best judge of character.  Keep the faith about finding that person that is for you.  Don’t eliminate the option of meeting a person while you are out and about enjoying life.  The perfect guy could be next to you in Starbucks or in line behind you in the grocery store or the guy your see in the elevator at work every day.  Online dating can be a lot of work but it could also be extremely rewarding.  Who knows you could be the next success story on the EHarmony commercial.