Independence Is Not a Bad Word



Independence (Taken from


1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent.

2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

3. Archaic. a competency.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent!  I can stop this blog right there.  However, when many professional women and viewed as independent, some may find this synonymous with Bitch, Bitchy or equivalent words.  Independence as you can see from the definition has no negative connotation.  What it means is that you have freed yourself from the dependence of others to do the things you need done. 


For single women it may mean learning how to change your tire and check your oil.  It may also mean know how to change light bulbs or shoveling your own snow.  It can also mean financial independence, where you are not waiting or relying on someone, anyone to take care of you, this could be your parents or significant other.  Being independent in your thinking is also just as important.  Allowing others to control your thoughts, and feelings can make you dependent on them.  Learn to think and reason for yourself and your become a true practitioner of independence.     


It is not as difficult as you think to become independent.  The first thing you need to do is to resign yourself to doing whatever you may need to do to become independent.  This may mean severing ties with some things and some people in your life.  It may also mean taking the time to learn about cars or home improvement (see the blog about Girl’s Night Out).  Be intentional and deliberate about your thoughts and feeling and own them. 


As much as some people may make independence out to be a bad word, know that it is not true.  Independence is a much a state a mind than anything else.  For those who are spiritual, the Bible tells us to be “transformed by the renewing of our minds” (Romans 12:2b).  As you move through life know that you are ultimately responsible for your own destiny.  Never allow anyone or anything to be the captain of your ship.  And the next time someone refers to you as a Bitch or Bitch just smile and say No, I am Independent!.

Single Statistics

Women are enjoying great success in their professional lives, pursuing and obtaining post-graduate and professional degrees as well as working in prestigious careers such as medicine, law, higher education and the physical and social sciences.  The evidence demonstrates that as education increases for single, professional women, in many cases marriage rates decrease.  As more women find success in the workplace and seek advanced degrees, their love lives appear to be suffering.
One thing that my research has shown is that statistics regarding single women are dismal. When you look at these statistics, the older we get the less likelihood that we will marry.  If you only focus on what the statistics say I can see how so many single women end up depressed, defeated and down.  However as the quote above states, WE are responsible for our happiness.  It is up to us to choose life and life more abundantly.   It is how we live, and by live I mean actually live, that determines how happy and successful we are.  This means that happiness is a choice and life is for the living.
Here are some of those statistics
·          Women are delaying marriage in pursuit of education and careers
·         Census data shows that about 70% of African American women are not married
·         National surveys show that 42% of women in corporate America do not have children
·         African American women outnumber African American men 12:1
Instead of focusing on what the statistics say and focusing on what society says about being single or living single in a married world being single should not be viewed as a death sentence.  What do you say about your circumstances?  While you may not be able to change the fact that more women are delaying marriage and motherhood, and that in some ethnic groups women far outweigh men, there are many positive advantages to this delay.  One reason for the delay is that many women are choosing to stay in school longer and earn higher degrees in order to further their careers, which ultimately benefits the family.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to show women that there are things we can do instead of waiting around for Mr. Right to fall out of the sky.  We can learn new trades and how to do some things around the house (Home Depot sponsors ladies night out). However, you don’t want to know how to do it all because the plumber or electrician may be single and good looking.  We can take trips with our girls or travel alone.  We can go out to happy hours with or without our friends to meet new people and experience new venues.
What am I saying?  I am saying that the possibilities are endless.  The only limits we have are the ones we have placed on ourselves.  Single and fabulous should be the new way of life in my opinion.  This blog will be dedicated to discussing topics that contribute to single women finding their place in this ‘married’ world and being comfortable not where we are placed within that society but being comfortable in the space we create for ourselves.  Queen Bey said it best when she sang “Who Run the World?”  Girls!