The Hardest Thing

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Lately, my life has been in a holding pattern, I would dare say a self-imposed holding pattern.  There are things that are going great in my life and things that are not so great.  There have been struggles, victories and days where I just wanted to stay in bed and eat a bucket of French vanilla ice cream.  There have been some high highs and some low lows. What I am beginning to realize is that I have been my own worst enemy.

There have been times in my life where I felt that I didn’t deserve the good things, the easy things and that everything would be a fight, a struggle a WWE level wrestling match.  While my job and career are spent to a large degree helping and motivating others, there are times when I lack self-motivation and I find myself needing to be motivated, helped and pushed.  I am just keeping it real, there are some days where it is a real struggle.

There are times when it takes as much energy to smile as it does to lift a 200lb weight, and the tears come from out of the blue and flow non-stop.   There are times when I have to repeatedly remind myself of all of the blessings around me and all of the things I have survived, endured, overcome, but it still feels as though it is just not enough.  Then there are times when on this entrepreneurial journey, where I question if leaving the comfort of my 9-5 was worth it, even though I know the job was killing me emotionally and mentally.  There are the times when there are more bills than money and more responsibilities than time in the day.

There are those moments when you make every attempt to be vulnerable and helpful only to end up misunderstood and judged.  The people you thought knew you best turn out to be as much of a stranger as people you don’t know at all.  You put on the makeup, the hair, the perfect outfit but you are no more than a mannequin on display for those around you.  The face is smiling but the eyes say nothing.

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The reality of the situation is that sometimes the hardest thing to do is to love yourself and the life you are living.  The other hard thing to do is to change your thinking, change your circumstances and change your situation.  Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are right”.  How true and powerful that statement is.  It is often hard to find peace in the darkness because the light exposes too much.

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I have come to realize that I am in a valley.  Not buried, definitely not dead but in a valley.  And while there are some not so good things in the valley, you can also find some great things in the valley.  So while I journey through this valley experience I can say with firm conviction:

I am ok

I am going to make it

I won’t be in the valley forever

Look out for the person that emerges from this valley; she will be a conqueror

This valley will make me stronger, wiser and better

 

Be Blessed Be Fabulous!

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Thankful for What You Have

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Last night I blew a fuse, of course it was the fuse that powered my stove, refrigerator and microwave.  Basically, the entire kitchen.  The building that I live in is a little old and I had to wait until this morning before they could come and change the fuse.  At first I started to panic, because that is what I would normally do.  However I had to take a moment and be thankful for what I had.

While there was no power in one room of the house.  There was power in every other room of the house.  And since it was below zero outside, the loss of power did not affect my heat in any way.  Because it was below zero, I was able to put some of my items from the freezer on my balcony (the ice cream of course!) because priorities.  To make a long story short, the blown fuse in one room did not affect anything else.

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What I had to stop and remember was that I was warm.  A blessing.  I had power and lights in all of the other rooms of the house.  A blessing.  I had already eaten and it was late, so there really was nothing left to do but go to bed.  Blessed with food and a bed, double blessing.  I am also in a position to replace anything that went bad in the refrigerator or freezer.  Another blessing.

I had to think of my priorities.  In a city where I frequently see people living under the bridges and where I know people are living exposed to these deadly elements, I had to check myself about being frustrated about a blown fuse.  In this life, one thing is for sure and that is that you will have some uncertainties and things will happen both good and bad.  The key to navigating this life is being thankful for what you have.

The lesson I learned was a powerful one.  Well I would say that there are multiple lessons learned.  The first and most important one was to be thankful for what I have.  Food, shelter, health, strength, activity of my limbs.  I have a great deal to be thankful for.  I also learned to not take anything for granted.  I almost short circuited over a fuse, while it was not worth, the frustration it would have caused me.  I had to be reminded to roll with the punches and to allow the cards to fall as the may.

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I didn’t lose anything.  All of the food was spared.  Nothing spoiled or was ruined in the process.  The ice cream survived a night on the balcony.  I still have more than enough food, I have a place called home and everything is in working order.  There are times when I too, lose focus on what is really important and have to readjust my thinking to understand that I have so many things to be thankful for.

During this season of giving and during this time of perpetual hope, it is the things that we often take for granted that offer us the biggest blessings.  Let me, no let us never forget to be thankful for the things we have no matter how big or how small.  In our over commercialized society, it is the little things that matter, not the things we can buy or purchase.  The greatest gifts we can offer are normally our time and attention as opposed to something you can buy.  Remember over all to be thankful for what you have.

Be Blessed!  Be Fabulous!  Be Thankful!

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