The Holy Trinity of Relationships


Some of us have been in some bad romantic relationships. For many of us, we have walked the line of what I like to call the Holy Trinity of Relationships. For some of us our relationships have caused us to get closer to our FAITH, contemplate the value of our FREEDOM or consider the consequences of committing a FELONY. I know for me I have definitely had to work on this Holy Trinity. Fortunately Faith always wins (or has so far).

Again for most of us relationships are great. I have been in some good relationships and I have also been in some not so good relationships. All relationships have their issues. One of the reasons so many people resonated with Beyonce’s Lemonade was that it ultimately took us on the journey many of us have been on in our relationships. Let’s be honest and let’s be real, many of us have visited the relationship Holy Trinity Faith, Felony, Freedom.


Many of us have believed and prayed to God for that ‘perfect’ significant other. Some of us have lists of qualifications tucked away in our Bibles or taped inside of our journals. We have prayed for God to send our ‘other half’ or ‘better half’ and when we think we have found him or her all is right in our world. And then life happens. Our relationship faith gets placed on life support because we find ourselves wondering if this person was in fact the answer to our prayers or one of the devil’s minions.

Now I have learned over the course of the years that the old song “It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate” is truer than most of us realize. There is something about relationships that make you happy and smile one minute and then contemplate your sanity and your freedom the next minute. I have sat at the intersection of God and felonious assault many nights. Ultimately, I always returned to the value I placed on my own freedom and decided that Orange would not be my new Black.

My Faith and my Freedom have been what has ultimately kept me from ‘catching a case”. I have visited the place of wanting to kick some ass, and I have told him to call the side chick and leave me alone. I am not one of those chicks who value a relationship more than my sanity and my freedom. I would rather be single and free than a coloredgirlwhohasconsideredwhoopingsomeasswhenmyasswasnotenough.

This is what make us happy about Lemonade. In addition to seeing some of our truths played out on the screen, it is refreshing to know that Bey also feels our pain, and has traveled down that road as well. While I cannot personally afford to hire a set designer and purchase props to destroy, I have definitely had some days when I wish I had a baseball bat so that I could destroy some shit. Luckily, all of my stuff is still intact.

Bey Lemonade

No matter what your critique may be about Lemonade or Bey or whoever else, I have to admit that I have been down that road before. Before Lemonade, I was singing along with Jazmine Sullivan “I’ll Bust the Windows Out Your Car“. I saw myself in many of those images that were represented in Lemonade. The words that were strategically placed across the screen that indicated the stages of the breakdown and rebuilding of a relationship resonated with me. The pain and the emotion invoked throughout the video were powerful and impactful. It was emotional for me watching it. Despite the deep meaning and imagery and heavy critique and profound dialogue that Lemonade invokes as well as the latest phenomenal Lemonade Syllabus, inspired by the mind of a great sister scholar, this is my not so deep, but personal, relational, feeling thinking contribution to the Lemonade and my Holy Trinity of Relationships.


What’s Right with Being Single?

Independent owned

As a single woman I have often been asked why aren’t you married? I have also heard the question “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why don’t you have a man?” It is as if being single is a horrible predicament to be in and my life is incomplete without attachment. I have heard the question so many times that I have begun to come up with clever answers to the question. Recently, a family friend asked my mother when I was getting married, my response was “ask her what is wrong with simply asking how I am doing?” As a woman of a certain age, it seems as being single or unmarried is a death sentence.

Maybe society has it wrong and those of us who are single have it right. The last time I read the Bible it said “he who finds a wife finds a good thing.” I don’t remember reading everyone will find a wife and it will be a good thing. Maybe marriage is not for everyone, just look at the divorce rates. Maybe there are some people who will simply never marry and my question is what’s wrong with that?


Far too often we get wrapped up in what other people expect of us or with how they think we should live our lives. We work hard trying to keep up appearances and be who others want us to be without being true to ourselves. I have been there, done that and have a T-shirt. I have come to the realization that this is my life and I must live it and own it, mistakes, successes and singleness. My life is what I make it and if I am happy, healthy and satisfied with my decisions why should it matter to anyone else.


The moral of this blog is to do you. Love you. Be in love with you. Date yourself. Make sure that you are happy and complete and allow the cards to fall where they may. You may marry or you may remain single. You do not have to be miserable and lonely just because you are single. You have to live your life and be prepared for the blessings that will come your way.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being single. Don’t let anyone convince or corner you into thinking that it is. That is their issue not yours. Do not feel incomplete or diminished because you are not married. There are many married people that are not happy and miserable. Marriage cannot change how you feel at your core. Enjoy your life and cherish the moments that come. Learn from your relationship mistakes and allow you head and your heart to guide you to having and loving the life you have. All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands UP!