The Hardest Thing

the hardest thingl

Lately, my life has been in a holding pattern, I would dare say a self-imposed holding pattern.  There are things that are going great in my life and things that are not so great.  There have been struggles, victories and days where I just wanted to stay in bed and eat a bucket of French vanilla ice cream.  There have been some high highs and some low lows. What I am beginning to realize is that I have been my own worst enemy.

There have been times in my life where I felt that I didn’t deserve the good things, the easy things and that everything would be a fight, a struggle a WWE level wrestling match.  While my job and career are spent to a large degree helping and motivating others, there are times when I lack self-motivation and I find myself needing to be motivated, helped and pushed.  I am just keeping it real, there are some days where it is a real struggle.

There are times when it takes as much energy to smile as it does to lift a 200lb weight, and the tears come from out of the blue and flow non-stop.   There are times when I have to repeatedly remind myself of all of the blessings around me and all of the things I have survived, endured, overcome, but it still feels as though it is just not enough.  Then there are times when on this entrepreneurial journey, where I question if leaving the comfort of my 9-5 was worth it, even though I know the job was killing me emotionally and mentally.  There are the times when there are more bills than money and more responsibilities than time in the day.

There are those moments when you make every attempt to be vulnerable and helpful only to end up misunderstood and judged.  The people you thought knew you best turn out to be as much of a stranger as people you don’t know at all.  You put on the makeup, the hair, the perfect outfit but you are no more than a mannequin on display for those around you.  The face is smiling but the eyes say nothing.

henryfordquote

The reality of the situation is that sometimes the hardest thing to do is to love yourself and the life you are living.  The other hard thing to do is to change your thinking, change your circumstances and change your situation.  Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t you are right”.  How true and powerful that statement is.  It is often hard to find peace in the darkness because the light exposes too much.

dark valley

I have come to realize that I am in a valley.  Not buried, definitely not dead but in a valley.  And while there are some not so good things in the valley, you can also find some great things in the valley.  So while I journey through this valley experience I can say with firm conviction:

I am ok

I am going to make it

I won’t be in the valley forever

Look out for the person that emerges from this valley; she will be a conqueror

This valley will make me stronger, wiser and better

 

Be Blessed Be Fabulous!

pink-lips

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No Apologies

No Apologies

It is no secret that the majority of my friends are older and wiser.  One of the pearls of wisdom they often shared with me was that once I get older I would stop letting other people’s opinions, ideas, and feeling affect me.  This is something that I am beginning to embrace.

Maybe it is because my last birthday was a milestone birthday, but I have reached a point where I feel that apologizing for what I feel, think and believe is necessary.  I know that it is not.

Oprah often shares what she knows for sure.  What I know for sure is that as long as me and God are on great terms, there is little else to worry about.  I may not always be right, I will make mistakes, I may speak out of turn or may act differently from what other people may think I should, but as long as it is well with my soul, I will make no apologies.

I know that my actions and/or reactions may often be unorthodox or viewed by others as incorrect, but I still sleep well at night despite what others may think.  Ironically, recently I have begun to actually sleep, after years and years of being an insomniac.  I think this is because I have reached an age where I have decided that the most important opinion of me and how I live my life belongs to God and not one else.

Now that does not mean that I am open to comments and suggestions.  I am still seeking the pearls of wisdom that friends offer.  I am thankful for the wisdom within my midst and for those who may have had similar experiences to what I may go through and what I may encounter.  I value that because there are many people that pay for the sage advice that is available to me for free.

When you get to the point in life where you offer no apologies there is something liberating and encouraging about making your plans, failing and succeeding on your own terms and allowing God to move you through life as God sees fit without cause, instructions or provocation from anyone else.  No apologies simply means that you have decided to put your big girl panties on and live life and life’s consequences on your own terms and in your own way.  When that happens you make room for God to move in your life in ways that you may have never imagined.  So look out work this girl is offering no apologies!