You Can Be in Control


As women we often complain about things that we cannot do.  I cannot change the oil in my car, I cannot paint the house, I cannot unclog the toilet.  Now while many of these things are things that we may not want to do, they are things that we can learn to do.  Several of my blogs have been geared toward independence and independent living and provide examples of things we can do to be more independent.  This blog is a continuation of those things. 

Now let me be the first to say that I have no desire to change the oil in my car or paint the walls in my house.  I also hate plungers, yard work and heavy lifting.  I do however own a plunger, know the basics of an oil change and will rake or plant some flowers if I have to.  That is a large part of taking control, know how to do something as opposed to waiting for someone to do it for you.  I do not want to have to wait for the plumber at 2am, when I can simply plunge the sink or God forbid the toilet.  I do however realize and recognize my limitations.  So if the job becomes too big to handle I do know how to ask for help. 

One of the best tools I have found is YouTube.  There are videos for just about everything. If there is something you need to know or what to try you can guarantee that there is a video on YouTube that can guide you to what you are trying to do.  Personally, I have learned to thread a bobbin for a sewing machine I did not know how to use as well as learn to sew some simple projects from YouTube.  I have learned how to do a sew-in weave on my own head as well as how to advance in video games.

Make the most of the things you want to learn how to do.  Have a paint party with your friends and family, make it a group learning experience.  Find an auto dealership or mechanic that offers classes for women.  Check HomeDepot or Lowe’s to find out if they offer Plumbing 101, this is needed now more than ever since more women are purchasing homes without mates.  That 2am call to the plumber could become quite costly.  Who knows learning these new trades could also lead to hobbies that can earn you more cash or that can keep more cash in your pockets. 

 Taking control of your own life requires diminishing your dependence on others.  Knowing that you can and will be successful in everything you do, even the small things makes a big difference.  Increasing your knowledge base never hurt anyone and can only help to make you a better more knowledgeable person.  Do not let intimidation or fear or fear of failure hold you back, know that you can take control of your life and do as your heart desires.  


Independence Is Not a Bad Word



Independence (Taken from


1. Also, independency. the state or quality of being independent.

2. freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

3. Archaic. a competency.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent!  I can stop this blog right there.  However, when many professional women and viewed as independent, some may find this synonymous with Bitch, Bitchy or equivalent words.  Independence as you can see from the definition has no negative connotation.  What it means is that you have freed yourself from the dependence of others to do the things you need done. 


For single women it may mean learning how to change your tire and check your oil.  It may also mean know how to change light bulbs or shoveling your own snow.  It can also mean financial independence, where you are not waiting or relying on someone, anyone to take care of you, this could be your parents or significant other.  Being independent in your thinking is also just as important.  Allowing others to control your thoughts, and feelings can make you dependent on them.  Learn to think and reason for yourself and your become a true practitioner of independence.     


It is not as difficult as you think to become independent.  The first thing you need to do is to resign yourself to doing whatever you may need to do to become independent.  This may mean severing ties with some things and some people in your life.  It may also mean taking the time to learn about cars or home improvement (see the blog about Girl’s Night Out).  Be intentional and deliberate about your thoughts and feeling and own them. 


As much as some people may make independence out to be a bad word, know that it is not true.  Independence is a much a state a mind than anything else.  For those who are spiritual, the Bible tells us to be “transformed by the renewing of our minds” (Romans 12:2b).  As you move through life know that you are ultimately responsible for your own destiny.  Never allow anyone or anything to be the captain of your ship.  And the next time someone refers to you as a Bitch or Bitch just smile and say No, I am Independent!.