Being Honest with Myself

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I am going to start this blog by requesting prayers in advance..They are needed and will be well received.  As many of you may or may not know I am in the process of completing my dissertation.  It is a long and tedious process that is often plagued with days where you want to give up and days when you wonder what the hell was I thinking?  At the end of the day I am reminded, that I am being obedient to what God has in store for me and I am learning that while there are times when you are in the very midst of the tunnel the tunnel, much like life itself has a beginning and an ending.

Lately I have been lacking the motivation to finish.  I am at the finish line.  A few days of hard work and writing and a few days stuck behind the keyboard and my defense can be scheduled and I can hear those words I have been waiting to hear, Congratulations Dr. Bradford.  But to be honest. I start and then I stop.  I work a little and then I just can’t seem to go any further.  Even after completing my interviews which had me so excited and emotional I still cannot seem to just turn this corner.

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What I will not do is make excuses.  I have none.  I have simply temporarily lost my motivation.  I know that I will get it back.  I know that my mojo is not gone it is just on vacation or in hiatus or waiting for spring cleaning to get it off the shelf.  Whatever it is I simply ask my readers that you all hold me up in prayer and that you send me happy thoughts and encouragement while I work to get past this block.

I know that soon I will be graduating.  I know that soon my dissertation will be complete.  I know that soon my work will be published.  I know that all of these projects on the shelf waiting until I finish school will be rolling off the press.  I do know that I have to take my time and work on things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.  I also know that this is the time when I take my praying and fasting up a notch.  Where I trust God more than I trust myself.  Where I wait on the Lord and be of Good Courage in the process.  I know that when God gives you a vision, God will make the provision and I am waiting and trusting and believing that God’s Will shall be done.

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So thanks for listing to my rant or my tantrum or my freak out or whatever it is.  Just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe my venting will allow me the push needed to bite the bullet and find the motivation and wherewithal to finish this journey.  And I thank you now for taking this ride with me.