Last week I talked about what was right with being single. This week is about the pressure that people place upon singles to fill what they see as a ‘void’ in our lives. What is ironic to me is that many of these people are older, some may be divorced, some may still be married and some may have never married at all, but they look at a person who is single and often try to pressure them into marriage. My message for them is simply this No Pressure Here.
In the past I have bought into the notion that being in a relationship or being married was a necessity, however as I got older and learned to love and enjoy myself and my own company what I found was that partnership is great, but there was nothing wrong with being single. I heard and preacher and RuPaul say if you don’t love yourself how in the hell can you expect someone else to love you (paraphrased). Though this statement seems oxymoronic it is true. There is a freeing feeling of learning to love and enjoy yourself and your own company.
Now I am not advocating for anyone to become a hermit and kick all of their friends to the curb but, spend some quality time with you. (That will be another blog)
Simply put do not let others pressure you into a situation you do not want to be in. Do not allow how other people feel you should live your life be the yardstick for how you live your life. Do not let friends or family repeatedly fix you up or force you into dating situations if that is not where you are in your life at this time. It is up to us to let others know that their opinions and their beliefs and theirs and theirs alone and that we singles can take care of ourselves.
The next time someone attempts to pressure you into a relationship or try to push you into marriage (if you are currently dating and are not ready for marriage) let them know, there is no pressure here. Be honest and forthcoming about your feelings and about how their pressure is more about them and less about you. Just look the in the eye and say No Pressure Here!
As a single woman I have often been asked why aren’t you married? I have also heard the question “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why don’t you have a man?” It is as if being single is a horrible predicament to be in and my life is incomplete without attachment. I have heard the question so many times that I have begun to come up with clever answers to the question. Recently, a family friend asked my mother when I was getting married, my response was “ask her what is wrong with simply asking how I am doing?” As a woman of a certain age, it seems as being single or unmarried is a death sentence.
Maybe society has it wrong and those of us who are single have it right. The last time I read the Bible it said “he who finds a wife finds a good thing.” I don’t remember reading everyone will find a wife and it will be a good thing. Maybe marriage is not for everyone, just look at the divorce rates. Maybe there are some people who will simply never marry and my question is what’s wrong with that?
Far too often we get wrapped up in what other people expect of us or with how they think we should live our lives. We work hard trying to keep up appearances and be who others want us to be without being true to ourselves. I have been there, done that and have a T-shirt. I have come to the realization that this is my life and I must live it and own it, mistakes, successes and singleness. My life is what I make it and if I am happy, healthy and satisfied with my decisions why should it matter to anyone else.
The moral of this blog is to do you. Love you. Be in love with you. Date yourself. Make sure that you are happy and complete and allow the cards to fall where they may. You may marry or you may remain single. You do not have to be miserable and lonely just because you are single. You have to live your life and be prepared for the blessings that will come your way.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being single. Don’t let anyone convince or corner you into thinking that it is. That is their issue not yours. Do not feel incomplete or diminished because you are not married. There are many married people that are not happy and miserable. Marriage cannot change how you feel at your core. Enjoy your life and cherish the moments that come. Learn from your relationship mistakes and allow you head and your heart to guide you to having and loving the life you have. All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands UP!